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‘My father died before I was born and there was a lot of arguing at home between me and my mum. It was just her and I so there was no mediator so it’s been very intense.

‘When I was in year 10, my mother and I had one of many very big fights and I ended up leaving and living with my friend for 3 months but then after that I came back. My mum left the next day to go to New Zealand for 6 weeks and so I was apparently a responsible teenager and could handle that. I had a job and all the rest so it wasn’t that bad.

‘After she got back we managed to live together for another 3 months but everything was getting worse and worse. There were definitely forms of abuse whether or not she realised it was a different thing.

‘I got in to crisis care and from there I have been living in a local refuge called Lillian’s for the past two years. Sadly though, the government has decided to cut funding to Lillian’s so it will close at the end of October.’

How do you feel about the refuge closing?

‘I find it’s helped me through so many things living there – through my depression and anxiety – as well as finish my HSC. My biggest fear when it closes is that I will end up with nowhere to go. That’s scary for me because it’s just a stable environment and it feels like home. There are so many other girls there as well and the bonds that you form with them are not like any others.’

What would have happened to you had you not been there?

‘I probably would have bounced from crisis refuge to crisis refuge which isn’t a good thing. That would have been difficult for me. There are people who have been through that and they’re ending up on the streets and I don’t think that’s a good thing.’

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‘I play the Oud. It’s a Middle Eastern lute. There’s a new album out on ABC called “Permission to Evaporate” which is a recent one I did in New York with two great jazz players. One is Mike Stern who was in Miles Davis’ band and Christian McBride – the biggest double bass player at the moment on the jazz scene in the world actually. So I was very lucky to get the chance to record with them.’

If you could describe the Oud as a human, how would you describe it?

‘It’s pretty much like me – short necked, half pear shaped. It’s perfect. I’m exactly like the instrument!

‘I’m playing next Thursday (26th) at Camelot Lounge Marrickville in a repertoire called Angel. We only play that repertoire twice a year to commemorate my parents’ passing. It’s nice to commemorate them through music. This one is to commemorate my mother’s passing two years ago.

‘She was quite sick towards the end. I think there were quite beautiful moments within the short space of time you spend with them in the end. It doesn’t get easy not having your parents around. I think it really gives you fuel for your music. It helps you as a human being and helps you grow. We’re constantly healing and that’s the beautiful thing about music. I guess you’ve just got to take these things as a lesson and grow from them.’

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rhp-IpRPxIs

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‘The mainstay of my work is sideshow. I swallow razorblades, walk on broken glass, eat lightbulbs and stuff. For a circus performer, I’m neither fit nor flexible. It’s all in my fingers and tongue. I had an act where my assistant would feed me razorblades. She’d then swallow some string and then we’d snog. As we snogged, we regurgitated what we swallowed and tie the razorblades under the string wi…th our tongues.’

How did you get in to this?

‘It’s weird. I studied business. I thought that was the smart thing to do. I didn’t study art and drama like I wanted to because like that’s ever going to make you a living. I picked up fire twirling just by randomness and started getting work for it. I then started to diversify. I went from fire dancing to fire eating to fire breathing to sword swallowing to swallowing other things to just working on controlling responses of the body that are normally automatic that we normally don’t have conscious control over – that your subconscious takes over itself.

‘What I do, it’s not like an adrenaline rush. I’m not seeking death or pain or anything like that. It’s actually more methodical. It’s more mastery of your body. It’s not even mind over body. It’s more mind over mind really. My old assistant used to say, “Everything is in the mind. Even the mind is in the mind.”’

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And so the tables are turned.

If you were to give advice to a large group of people, what would it be?

‘It’s about the bigger picture. You think that the world is your little bubble but take a bird’s eye view of where you’re at. My dad actually told me that you picture your situation and then you zoom the camera out a bit and you take in the suburb you’re in and then you zoom out and take in the state and then you take in the country. It puts your experience in to perspective because there is a lot going on outside of where you are that’s also important.’

Thanks to the lovely Jo from ABCTV for this morning’s interview (her’s and mine) and a lovely hug!

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Thank you to Marrickville Council for picking this image as the winning pic in their Urban Photography competition tonight. I’m very humbled and grateful. I’m not one to post here about myself but I thought I’d share the pic as I love everything this photo says about Newtown.