‘I’m doing this because I’ve been struggling with mental illness – primarily depression – for most of my life. I know what it feels like to not have anyone listen or not to have anyone to be there for me. I know how busy everybody is and I know what it feels like to be alone. I hope that by doing this that people start caring about each other and lending a hand, you know?’
‘When I was in year 10, my mother and I had one of many very big fights and I ended up leaving and living with my friend for 3 months but then after that I came back. My mum left the next day to go to New Zealand for 6 weeks and so I was apparently a responsible teenager and could handle that. I had a job and all the rest so it wasn’t that bad.
‘After she got back we managed to live together for another 3 months but everything was getting worse and worse. There were definitely forms of abuse whether or not she realised it was a different thing.
‘I got in to crisis care and from there I have been living in a local refuge called Lillian’s for the past two years. Sadly though, the government has decided to cut funding to Lillian’s so it will close at the end of October.’
How do you feel about the refuge closing?
‘I find it’s helped me through so many things living there – through my depression and anxiety – as well as finish my HSC. My biggest fear when it closes is that I will end up with nowhere to go. That’s scary for me because it’s just a stable environment and it feels like home. There are so many other girls there as well and the bonds that you form with them are not like any others.’
What would have happened to you had you not been there?
‘I probably would have bounced from crisis refuge to crisis refuge which isn’t a good thing. That would have been difficult for me. There are people who have been through that and they’re ending up on the streets and I don’t think that’s a good thing.’
And so the tables are turned.
If you were to give advice to a large group of people, what would it be?
‘It’s about the bigger picture. You think that the world is your little bubble but take a bird’s eye view of where you’re at. My dad actually told me that you picture your situation and then you zoom the camera out a bit and you take in the suburb you’re in and then you zoom out and take in the state and then you take in the country. It puts your experience in to perspective because there is a lot going on outside of where you are that’s also important.’
Thanks to the lovely Jo from ABCTV for this morning’s interview (her’s and mine) and a lovely hug!
‘I’ve been studying music at the Conservatorium. I’ve actually got my graduation this afternoon.’
If you could describe the trumpet as a human, how would you describe it?
‘Like a drunken boxer – it feels like getting punched in the face a bit. It’s like mashing a piece of plumbing in to one of the softest bits of my body.’
Have you ever been punched in the face?
‘Yeah… It’s got its comparisons.’
‘I nearly lost my grandma once. That was really terrifying because I grew up with her. It was just the two of us at home and she just collapsed one day. I was about 14 at the time. She had a bad reaction to medication. I panicked and called Triple 0 and cried for the rest of the night. But she was OK in the end.’
What’s one thing you love most about your grandmother?
‘She’s very understanding. I went through a tough time in my teenage years and she stood by me and was always supportive. She’s always been there for me and doesn’t judge.’
‘My grandmother passed away when I was 18 on Valentine’s Day. I was off celebrating it and she died. That was really horrible.’
What’s one thing that sticks in your mind that your grandmother said to you?
‘If you lot don’t stop mucking around, I’m going to give you a bunch of fives!’
‘Recently I was on a train and I was in a lot of physical pain – I had a bad injury to my leg. I sat down in the area for disabled people and someone was actually racing me to the seat. I ended up getting there first b…ut they got very angry with me. The way that they talked to me was very sad. Looking at me, you couldn’t tell that I was injured and that person wouldn’t know. To be understanding of their anger as well while still feeling my pain and not lashing out at them was really difficult.’
What kind of message would you give to someone like that?
‘Think twice. There might be a reason as to why someone is doing something. Sometimes you don’t need to question them just go with it.’
Are there any words he shared with you that really stick in your mind as advice that you’ve taken on for life?
‘Once when I asked about what the meaning of life was, he said, “People have wasted their lives trying to answer that’. That’s a decent philosophy I think.’
So what would be your main philosophy in life?
‘I try to be happy regardless of what people say or do. Happiness is a choice. If you accept yourself then you will find happiness.’
What’s one memory in your life you hope you never forget?
‘Leaving my abusive relationship.’
How have you felt since?
‘I’m free and a survivor!’
What was the hardest part about leaving?
‘Fear of being violated by him and fear for my life. I’m safe now.’
What advice would you give to other people that are in the same position?
‘Leave. Don’t take it. Be strong.’
Humans of Newtown 